Wisdom from a Mexican Restaurant Host
Recently, my family and I had lunch at a Mexican restaurant my son had discovered that is quite good. So good, in fact, that my son has become a regular patron. Not only is the food, service, and cost all exceptional, it is also right across the street from his work. He is there frequently enough that he has gotten to know the wait staff and is on a first name basis with one of the hosts.
The four of us had finished our meal, when the host came over to greet us and chat with my son. After some pleasantries, the host asked about one of my son’s co-workers that he had not seen in a while. My son advised that the co-worker was off doing his own thing, and really not making some good choices.
The host then commented that it was a shame and that he hoped the co-worker would come back around. Then, the host went a little farther. He told us that he sees all people having three different personalities. One personality is what people show the whole world. Like if you would meet this person on the street, you would see their ‘public persona.’ Probably some version of their best behavior. The second personality type is reserved for close family and friends, a little closer to the version of your true self. Then finally, a third personality is the one that is known only to the individual and is typically kept hidden from everyone.
This foray into philosophy wasn’t expected as I was polishing off my burrito, but I think there is some truth to what he was saying. I see it in myself. As a pastor, I have a persona that I must project, particularly in front of congregants. I can’t get upset or fly off the handle, (even if treated poorly or have folks actively working against me,) as it would damage my witness and potentially affect someone else’s faith walk. Then, there are family and close friends that know a little more, folks that I can share a bit with, yet still not all, because of boundaries. Finally, there is the internal movie that is playing out in my head, where I am flipping over tables and telling people to get bent. Clearly, not very ‘pastoral’ and the direct source of my suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
I imagine this phenomenon might be present with others as well, differing layers of our personality being present in different contexts. Surely, you are not showing your true self all the time, reserving a bit of ‘you’ for just ‘you.’ You can go down a lot of rabbit trails by doing even the slightest search regarding personalities, we’ll save that for big-thinking psychoanalysts.
Instead, let us all relate to one another with the knowledge that, with anyone, there is more than meets the eye. Underneath a polished exterior, there could be someone whose life is in shambles. They may look put together, but they could be lost … adrift … No rock to cling to, no guide to help them. Conversely, the person who appears to be scattered and disjointed, might be the most grounded person you come across!
All this to say, it is important that we get to know one another, discuss, share and fellowship. Peel back some of those layers. Look beyond the superficial. Unfortunately, we don’t have much record of what Jesus and his disciples were doing during the ‘down times’ in between traveling, teaching and performing miracles. However, I think it is safe to say that they would often gather around a campfire and simply share with each other. This way, they would get to know the ‘real person.’ We can do this too!
The next time you are feasting on chips and salsa, remember that the person sitting across from you, may have more going on than has been revealed!
~Pastor Sean